He hovered awkwardly between the kitchen sink and water dispenser. I had seen him for weeks…a fresh brown face moving about the office. But in the close vicinity of this space, I realized I had never introduced myself directly and I could sense he was too…new to. Perhaps too shy to. So I did.
Do you remember that feeling? Walking into a new school and not one familiar face around. Not in the hall nor in the classroom. Lunch was The Worst! Talk about sweaty pits & palms. At least that’s what happens to me when I’m nervous.
Usually if you don’t know anyone, default mode. Gravitate to the person who LOOKS like someone you may know. That means brown folk usually slide in the empty seat next to the other brown folk who, of course, could easily be your CUZ. White next to white. Asian next to Asian. Girls drawn to girls and usually the boys to other boys. The familiar. Recognizable. Sameness. Comfort.
If there didn’t happen to be a faux familiar face around, then ANY semi-friendly visage would have to do. That freckled girl with the strawberry blonde hair who unbeknownst to you is new too…she makes eye contact and even glances over at the empty seat next to her. Suddenly the awkward moment is over because someone more familiar with the surroundings extended themselves. Of course, you don’t want to seem like a weirdo and assume she’s your BFF, clinging to her for dear life for the rest of the day and all those thereafter. Such a small life saving gesture doesn’t warrant that…but you are praying she’s as gracious during recess and lunch at least that day! Ahhh…the memories.
Growing up, I used to be the one who extended myself to that new kid. They were outsiders. But internally, no matter how long I’d been at a school, I LIVED on the outside. My mother, brother and I were on that nomadic lifestyle back then. We moved so much that I attended 6 different elementary schools. I was ALWAYS the new kid on the block. And since my brother was two years older than me, I was on my own. I guess he was too. I would make friends eventually, but I kept it cool because I anticipated another move. Reflecting on it, I learned so much during that time of my life and it actually helped to develop a huge part of my character and personality. I am very comfortable being by myself and have need of only a handful of tried, true close friends who I don’t HAVE TO talk to that often but who I hold very close to my heart. I have acquaintances & associates galore, which are different than friends, if you did not know. And my man….yeah…whole nother category…that’s the comrade/confidante/ride&live! Ha!
I also have a deep empathy for anyone who is “new” to this day. Starting a new job, moving to a new area, joining a new church or a new organization, heck…joining a new family….all of it is the same feeling as starting that new school. So when you see someone trying to look “normal” but they are “lost”….remember what it felt like to be NEW and be that friendly welcoming face and comforting voice. It takes nothing from you but it gives so much to them. And teach yo kids to do the same! That “my clique is better than yours” crap is played, folks. Leave it behind.